Posts by Coffee House Girl

14

Were You Ever Treated "Differently" Because One of Your Family Members Was Disfellowshipped?

by Was New Boy in

"by their love"...... shunning in the "borg" many times has effected not just the person that was dfed but other family members too.. my father was dfed in 1962 for "rebeliousness against the organization" he wanted to go to a different kh than we were assigned to.

needless to say that decision was later reversed.. that was strange, but how the witnesses treated my mother, sister and myself....was even stranger.

it was as if.... we now had some kind of leprosy.

Coffee House Girl

I was always treated differently because my dad was baptized (back in the 1950's to marry my JW mom) but he never went to meetings...

I was a "spiritual orphan" and was treated like a second-class citizen

so I married a JW who became a ministerial servant, thinking that would change my status...and I was for the first time included in things (in the clique)

then he DA'd and disappeared...I was orphaned again, this time though I was bad association and didn't qualify as "exemplary" because I got an "unscriptural divorce" in order to declare bankruptsy......

its a crock of S*** and has damaged my ability to handle many social situations as I do not feel worthy to include myself in a group of friends

CHG

29

Hello Everyone! Heres my story!

by OneDayillBeFree in

i'm new here, and although i have been a lurker for several months now, its nice to finally dive in and join you all.

i hope that i find some friends as thats what i'm really looking for, i've seen enough proof that theres real love outside of this religious prison that i've biult for myself over the years, but i would like to feel it firsthand.

it's been a little hard to post anything since it's not easy being around in websites like these when you're still in and theres other jw's around sticking their noses everywhere, but now that i've found the time, i would like to share a bit about my story.... this is an email i sent paul grundy, (creator of jwfacts.com) and it basically sums up the story of my life... so i thought it would be good if you all had a read as well.

Coffee House Girl

Welcome,

I could relate to much of what you said & from my experience I agree with many of the posters here...you are young and despite what feelings of "urgency" you grew up with being a JW...you have time to plan

yes, you need to get a place of your own...my JW mom resisted this a lot and I got a lot of flack from JW family about the dangers of living on my own (how will you get your family study? who will keep track of your spirituality? etc) but I did move into a small apartment I could afford by working full time- I explained that I really needed to try living on my own to gain some strength and responsibility.

You could even get a place in a neighboring cong...less time with family watching your every move...

Then make a plan for a gradual fading away..even take some night classes (you can apply for financial aid)...maybe in time you can go to college full time if you get a room-mate- keep your feelings inside & always remain loving and kind to your parents

someday it will come out that you no longer want "the truth" and that will be hard to deal with, but having some support system in place by then (along with goals to secure your future like a job, education) will help

I feel for you and I hope it works out...you have a support system already here

CHG

31

It's sundown on 17 April and there's a full moon

by Broken Promises in

... and i'm cooking dinner and planning a nice evening at home.

.

what are you planning to do tonight?.

Coffee House Girl

also watched bloody violent movies with nudity, took a walk with CSG, browsing the internet before relaxing with a nice coffee beer made my CSG and then we shall just see how the night progresses

CHG

9

The tables have turned

by fade_away in

i remember when i was the one on the doorstep knocking on a house full of different noises when suddenly the house goes into a dead silence and the curtains move a bit.

we always whispered to each other "i know they're home, i heard them" and "let's see if they answer the door to jehovah on his day of wrekoning".....which makes no sense, but whatever.. today early in the afternoon my wife and i found ourselves on the other side of the door when we heard a knock from jws we know.

i paused the movie we were watching and made my way to the peep hole.

Coffee House Girl

is there more than one congregation in your hall....can you just say that you are going to the other one....

sickness?

sorry out of ideas already :(

good luck

CHG

34

The first thing I did when I left the WT....

by sherry123 in

jw
friends

was sing the national anthem out loud......alone......in my house.

what did you do?.

Coffee House Girl

I see I'm not the only one who got laid right after leaving....

I told my family I was leaving in the morning, I went to meet my then friend (now fiance) Coffee Shop Guy that evening...it was very therapeutic and mind boggling and many other words of description that I will save for my book or made for TV movie

CHG

4

Worlds Apart

by Lunatic Faith in

jw
friends

so i just watched the danish film "worlds apart" thanks to a reference from this forum.

i really enjoyed it.

it was almost boring because the depiction of jw life was so good i felt like i was watching a film of my life.

Coffee House Girl

I just watched it a month ago also....I agree with you that it was like watching a re-run of my own life. It was nice for Coffee Shop Guy to watch the movie with me, since he has never been a JW he got to see on film what I have only described to him (like elders meetings and assemblies)- he truly thought it was sad that this movie is so based in reality.

To answer your question as a born-in JW, I was afraid of both armageddon and apostasy (I would have nightmares about both, because I always had this thought that I was going to die at armageddon no matter what I did because Jehovah knew that I always had doubts). I always knew there was something wrong but was so afraid to verbalize it because I was scared of apostasy (fear of satan).

The part at the end when the main character tries to talk to her younger brother and tells him that there is no armageddon hit me like a bolt because that is exactly where I am now mentally & I want to shake people and tell them the same thing (but it is a lost cause).

I knew real versions of all of those characters in the movie (I was exposed to JW hypocracy as a young adult in the borg)

The main character's prayer at the end made me emotional too....I hope that I will not always be lost...I am just trying to be patient because I know now with no armageddon, I have time to figure out my own spirituality. (it was cool that they put the real girl in the movie at the end sitting accross the train looking at the actress playing her)

Great Flick!

CHG

12

Got the personal Memorial invite last night.

by wobble in

jw
friends

we were sitting on the patio out the back of the house having acouple of drinks before we went out for a meal, i can't eat on an empty stomach, have to have a drink first !.

the doorbell rang, i answered it, and it was a "sister" i have known all my 61 years of life, with a mem.

invite in her hand, i told her to keep it, we already had one.

Coffee House Girl

Havent gotten an invite, either through my door or personally yet....but the day is still young

I'm going to mom's today to take her to get groceries, I guess I should prepare an answer...I hate giving people like my mom false hopes by saying maybe, other dubs though I like the line Momma said-

CHG

16

How do i tell them im no longer interested in being a JW?

by TimothyT in

hi everyone.. iv been a jw for 3 years and iv been attending meetings since i was young!

im now 23. i have recently accepted that im gay and id now like to leave the organisation.. im trying to do things bit by bit, and i wanted to ask you all for some advice and ideas.. personaly, at the moment, id rather just phase myself out than hand in a letter of dissasociation - although i likely will arrive at that point within the next 6 months or so.. i have been quite well known in my congregation as a serious, kind and spiritual young man, and at the moment, im attending less and less meetings and not going out on the ministry as much.. i keep getting constant calls from elders asking about me and wondering where i am.

i understand their concern but its a little annoying, and unlike the majority of you here, i just couldnt tell them to get lost or to leave me alone as its just not who i am.

Coffee House Girl

I have tried many things...I tried phasing out, I wrote family a letter explaining that I wanted to leave- that resulted in visits from the elders wanting to know if I still believed in the "truth" and asking me to DA myself which I refused to do because I had family still in. I started living my own life and that resulted in people turning me in to the elders for being seen with my BF in public, which resulted in elders spying in my windows, which resulted in my filing a "cease and desist" letter to the elders in my cong...... every congregation is different, but if they are calling you already, if you want to move on with your real life yet still have family "in" the org that you may want to keep...I suggest moving also I just did that a week ago, moved out of the circuit (closer to college was my excuse), just got a new job, and am trying to stay away from that town with the nosy JWs thats my personal experience for what its worth- I'm glad you have the strength at 23 to recognize that you have to make a change to live your life as you desire (it took me till age 30 to do that)- best of luck to you CHG

13

Awwww...people miss me

by Coffee House Girl in

jw
friends

so my mom tells me that my jw niece (whom i have known all my life but has made zero attempts to contact me after i left jdubland) told my mom that she misses me,.

she was invited to a "get together" at a married jw's house and i always went with her to those things before because she is single (because of the narrow field of good jw brothers who want a 30something pioneer who lives with her parents), and i was "spiritually single" (because i had no scriptural grant for divorce because of adultery-he skipped town).

but now she had to go alone and she didn't want to (but she figured she had to go, otherwise people would stop inviting her to do things), and big suprise from a jw "get together"...she didn't have a good time.. aaarg how depressing for her... i had to respond to my mom, so i said:.

Coffee House Girl

All your comments are too true indeed

I wish I could help my nice...I know she is not happy

I have been studying in school Jane Addams and her efforts to improve quality of life and bring democracy to all (not democracy as a political system but instead equality and faith in humanity to work together to make life better for all) and I have been thinking....

how do I help those I love work for change when they are sheep that will not even move out of the pen, wont even look at the opening in the fence? (too deep of a question for a friday...)

CHG

13

Awwww...people miss me

by Coffee House Girl in

jw
friends

so my mom tells me that my jw niece (whom i have known all my life but has made zero attempts to contact me after i left jdubland) told my mom that she misses me,.

she was invited to a "get together" at a married jw's house and i always went with her to those things before because she is single (because of the narrow field of good jw brothers who want a 30something pioneer who lives with her parents), and i was "spiritually single" (because i had no scriptural grant for divorce because of adultery-he skipped town).

but now she had to go alone and she didn't want to (but she figured she had to go, otherwise people would stop inviting her to do things), and big suprise from a jw "get together"...she didn't have a good time.. aaarg how depressing for her... i had to respond to my mom, so i said:.

Coffee House Girl

Hey wasblind,

you hit it there...I never thought of it quite that way but you are right, I remember doing the same thing...going to get togethers that did not interest me because I felt I needed the "good association"

I would always be nervous and dreading going...finally I would work up the nerve to attend & I would just be counting down the minutes until I could safely leave without making people wonder what was wrong with me.

now I know that I don't miss it.....when I was still living in the area every monday nite when I went to run at the community center in my town a would see a large group of dubs who were taking a spanish class together walking out when I was walking in, they were laughing and talking together (purposefully ignoring me) but I thought to myself....I really don't miss it at all.

now I can be free to join any club I want (college has a ton), or in my case don't join any at all (haven't found one I like yet, and that is okay)

CHG